How do we find closure? Closure from an ended relationship. Closure from something that no longer serves you. Closure from a toxic friendship or the loss of a job. Whatever the situation, we all find ourselves needing closure from time to time. I wish I had the magic answer. I really really do. But there really isn’t one. Every situation is different. Every person is different. Every heart is different. There are a few things that I do find helpful. One is time. It really is true that time heals all wounds. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the wound will be completely healed. Healing is a continuously evolving process. The second thing that I know to be true one hundred percent, is that you have to feel to heal. Let me say that again for those in the back in all caps……… YOU HAVE TO FEEL TO HEAL. The ability to sit with our sadness, grief, confusion, and pain is excruciating. It is so much easier to pretend that nothing is wrong. It is so much easier to bury our head in the sand. It is so much easier to distract ourselves with things that keep our mind occupied as a quick fix. It is so much easier to deny our feelings. It is so much easier to suppress our feelings. It is so much easier to NOT DO ANYTHING AT ALL TO HEAL.
But guess what happens when we don’t heal ourselves? We project our unhealed behavior on others. And that is so incredibly unfair. It’s also unjustly selfish.
I was recently on the receiving end of someone’s unhealed trauma. My closure from the situation took some time. We are taught that in order to get closure from a situation that we have to get it from someone else. That we need words, actions and a formal closure notice to process it and move on. What I have learned is that just simply isn’t true. Do we really need the person that hurt us to acknowledge that they hurt us? No. You felt that hurt didn’t you? You are processing it right? They know they hurt you. You know they hurt you. Closure shouldn’t be something that you seek from someone else. Closure is something that you must do for yourself. There’s no magic timeline in life. Closure doesn’t have a timeline. What I can tell you is that once you’ve found closure, it’s crystal clear. That door closes to never open again. And that my friends is a superpower. I recently found closure in a way that I never saw coming. I thought that I needed a soft letdown. That I needed an apology from someone’s atrocious behavior. I thought that I needed kindness. I thought that I needed confirmation and affirmation that I had been hurt. That didn’t happen. In actuality, what I really needed was to give it time. To circle back after a few months and ask for clarity of the situation after it settled down. I received that clarity loud and clear. I was finally able to see this person from a different light. Now that I am no longer serving this person’s supply. Now that they are no longer trying to get something from me, there is no need for them to be civil. No need for them to be nice. No need to hold back. No need to continue a façade. The mask came off and I was finally able to see them for who they really are when I am no longer serving a purpose in their life. Closure comes in different and unexpected ways. It’s never easy. But it is necessary.Closure