Thoughts for Thursday:
I have often been told that people admire my ability to be authentic. Authentic is a very kind word for “different” I think
I know that I’m different. I know that I’m complicated. I like to think that I’m complicated in a good way. I can say that because these are “my” Thoughts for Thursday. It has taken me 55 years to express my thoughts and feelings. I have made many mistakes over the years and if my words can help someone else, then that is what I will do. It is what God has called me to do. He has called me to use my voice. At the end of the day, I just speak from my heart.
Buckle your seatbelts because this will be a doozie for some. And if you have no interest or opinion about online dating, then you might want to skip this one. And for you married folk or happily committed peeps, can I just say…. Lucky you!!!
If you know me at all, you know that I have been single for over a decade. Single as in not married. I have dated my fair share, for whatever that is worth. For me it is worth a whole lot of content to share with you about what NOT to do. Now to todays’ topic.
Online Dating 101:
Yes. I’ve done it. And yes, some of you have seen my profile because I have seen yours. The good the bad and the ugly. I’m not here to judge. I think that for some it just works for them. I know people that are now married as a result of meeting their person online. But this is my story. And here are my thoughts.
I’ve been on and off dating apps for the last 2-3 years. More off than on. I usually make it about 72 hours and then hit snooze. Sometimes I snooze for days, weeks or months. But now I have permanently deleted them forever. That’s right, forever. The biggest struggle for me has been the inability to surrender to God’s will, God’s timing. While I have been “in the waiting” I have become inpatient and untrusting of what God has planned for me. I’ve been trying to write my own story. To speed up the process. And quite frankly that’s why I’m not attracting the person that God has for me. I am not an option. I don’t want to be on the menu. I’m not a Facebook Marketplace ad. I’m not an item at an auction. So why would I present myself that way?
So, I surrender. I’m perfectly content with loving me until God sends “the one.” He may have to parachute him from the sky or I might hit him with my car. His car might break down on my property or he may have to stop and ask directions because there is no GPS where I live. But God has to orchestrate that. To be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure God wants to orchestrate that. Maybe I’m meant to remain single. Maybe He is using me to tell my story to encourage others, to comfort others, and to perhaps keep others from making the same mistakes that I have made. Maybe, just maybe I was meant to go through all the things that I have been through so that I can be an “expert” in what NOT to do in relationships. For the first time in my life, I’m NOT dating. I’m NOT looking. And I don’t even have the slightest interest in entertaining it. I’m focused on my goals, my future, my growth, and myself. That’s called self-love. Today I’m sharing my opinion about online dating. In the future, I promise to share my experiences with online dating. Stay tuned for that. I promise you’ll find it entertaining.
While some find dating fun and exciting, I find it exhausting. It’s a never-ending interview process. Time that could be better spent loving myself, growing my spirituality, chasing my goals and focusing on things that bring me happiness. These platforms are brutal. There is repetitive daily rejection, ghosting and conversations that are meaningless. It makes you feel easily disposable, and it lowers your self-esteem. It can take a toll on your mental health. Online dating is NOT for the insecure. Now that I have dissed on online dating, allow me to share some advice on what I have learned about it. The next is for sheer entertainment purposes only since you have read this far.
For the ladies:
If you are seriously looking for a life partner- follow these tips:
• If he says he’s looking for something casual-he is. Swipe left
• If he says he doesn’t know what he’s looking for-he doesn’t. Swipe left
• If he labels himself as divorced or widowed- that’s how he sees himself. Your status doesn’t define who you are. Swipe left
• If he says he’s just seeing what’s out there-let him keep looking. Swipe left
• If he’s shirtless. Swipe left
• If he’s wearing a wife beater- Swipe left
• If he says that after work you can find him at the gym- he probably is- and you can probably tell if he’s lying by his photos
• If he says he hikes all the time, he might be a good partner to hike with. Make him go first and look for snakes
• If he doesn’t smile in his pics, his teeth are probably jacked up
• If he’s wearing a hat in all his photos, he’s probably bald. I love bald men, don’t get me wrong, but he needs to own it and be proud-not insecure about it
• If he leaves off his height, he’s probably short
• If he says he’s newly single- Swipe left. He’s ready to play, stay away
• Never ever be the “first” one he sees on his journey post relationship
• If his bio says what he doesn’t want-he’s angry- Swipe left
• If he mentions politics-Swipe left
• If he says that he’s an atheist- Swipe left
• If there are multiple men in his main photo, which one is he?
• Go easy on the fishing photos ladies. I personally think men who fish are hot. It actually says someone else took this photo of me. Real men don’t take selfies. Appreciate this and cut him some slack. It also means he has hobbies and friends (which are all green flags)
• If he brags about being financially stable- Swipe left
• Avoid Facebook dating. If he’s serious, he’ll pay for better quality
• If his bio is funny-Marry him as fast as you can.
For the guys:
• If she says she is looking for a life partner- believe her
• If you don’t intend to date with intention-leave her alone
• Don’t tell her she is sexy or hot. Tell her she is beautiful and looks kind
• If you’re looking for a hookup-Try Tinder
• Ask her questions- act like you genuinely want to learn more about her
• Carry an actual conversation- women prefer more than wassup or wyd
• Make us laugh- banter is the key to communication and friendship
• Be wary of the filters, she’s immature and insecure
• If she posts all photos of her face-she might be insecure about her body
• If she looks like a tramp-Swipe left. She probably is
• If she’s trying too hard to get your attention-she’s insecure
• If her bio seems angry-she probably is a little bitter- Swipe left
• Beware of the material girl
• Beware of the Barbie girl
• Beware of the selfish girl
• Beware of the gold digger
• Beware of the girl who is too eager to communicate quickly
And with that, I’ll leave you with this…..
If you’re going to date, do it with intention. Don’t date out of boredom. Get a hobby instead. Don’t date to get over someone. Don’t encourage someone to fall for you if you don’t intend to catch them when they do. And lastly, don’t date until you heal.