It took me a long time to realize that my toxic trait is pouring into others. I pick broken people. I take in lost puppies and stray kittens. Don’t get me wrong, that trait is honorable. I’m not saying that God doesn’t want us to help people. Because He does. I know that I am called and chosen to be a listening ear, a healer and a non-judgmental soul. People who are empathetic, loving and kind are also the first people to be taken advantage of because they love big and they love with every ounce of their being. We give until there is nothing left to give. Lost souls and broken people have cracked vessels. We pour and we pour into their cups and their cups never runneth over. Their cup is never full because there is a crack in their cup that is either a slow leak or a quick one, depending on the size of the hole. But on the other side of the relationship, the person that is doing the pouring is depleting their resources because their cup isn’t being filled in return. We end up exhausted. We end up empty. We are often left with nothing after we have poured our heart and soul into someone we lifted up and gave the wings to fly away from us (or at least they think they are ready to fly).
We have to stop pouring into people who aren’t refilling our cup. If someone is making an effort and accepts that they are falling short and they are willing to work on their issues, then YES…stick it out. Never give up on someone who is trying, who is aware there is a problem, and who is willing to stick by your side as well. None of us are perfect. We all have issues. Healthy relationships exist because of reciprocity. But what if there is no reciprocity? What if someone is incapable of acknowledging their weaknesses? What if someone is incapable of growth, of expressing their feelings and emotions, or just simply is unwilling to be open minded or even try? This is where we have to learn to let go. Bless and release. Once you value yourself enough to see that this situation is not serving you, letting go becomes easier. You have tried and tried to show this person your worth and they will never see it. It is NOT your job to help them see it. It is NOT your job to fix them. The right person for you will see your worth.
And as for me. I am no longer making myself available to:
Attachment avoidant partners
Emotionally unavailable partners
Narcissistic partners
Broken partners
Indecisive partners
Unmotivated partners….
Or anyone that doesn’t match my energy or my level of reciprocity. Life is too short to sit at any table where you are not supposed to be. Sitting at a table where you are not being fed. Where you feel like you are bringing your own plate. That’s the worst kind of confusion. It’s like you know you were invited to the table, but you feel like you could be replaced with the next guest at any given second. Be so confident in knowing what you bring to the table that you’re willing to eat alone until you find the right table. Let it go. Walk away. The right person for you will make you the head of their table.
I’m not an expert on relationships by no means. Hell, I have been single for over a decade. But here’s what I do know. I’d rather be single than sad. I’d rather be single than feeling alone in a situationship. I’d rather be single than confused or uncertain where I stand with someone. I’d rather be single than stuck. I’d rather be single than settle for less than what I deserve. And I’ll remain single until someone can level up and meet me at a higher level of emotional intelligence. Until then, I’ll just be over here continuing my personal growth.